don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
