fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Everclear isn't food dammit
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
