i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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