You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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