Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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