I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
