You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
