I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
