just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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