Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
