then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
