Michael Bay diarrhea
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
