Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
