If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
