Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
