I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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