AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
