my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
