fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
