when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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