he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
