I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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