it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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