I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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