Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your cock deserves a montage
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
