I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
