so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize