yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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