No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
