Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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