it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
