I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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