I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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