I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
