i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
