How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
