i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
