My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
