Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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