he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
