Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
