I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
