So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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