im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
