Soap is not a condiment
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize