Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
