Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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