I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
