If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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