I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
