You can't motorboat a personality
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
