Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
