did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
