Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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