so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
