i just wanna soil my oats bro
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
