my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
