Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize