singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
