Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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