if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
