the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You ruined the universe
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
