i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
