I wish I could teleport
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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