my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
