I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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