i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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