why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
