my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
