Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
