Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Holy shit dude........stairs
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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