just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
