I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
